“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” – Matthew 6
This is so simple and straight-forward. And yet, I do exactly what He says not to every day that I live. I’m afraid I was caught up in the midst of certain things and people when I first made this blog. I made it seem like it was all about me and what I do and how I eat and all very selfish. I’m not looking for a pity party, just stating what is obvious to me. And yet, I won’t delete things that I have already written here because I do this with everything I start. I start with myself. I try to convince myself every day that I am doing things for others, that I’m eating this super healthy breakfast for my growing baby or that I’m cleaning this house so my husband can relax when he comes home from work.
But I am not doing these things out of love for others. They are all for me. I want to eat healthy so that I can look good. I want a clean house so that I look like a good wife. God tells me not to be anxious about what I eat and yet I hesitate to eat the food my family so graciously invited me over to enjoy because I don’t know if it will be good for the waistline.
This is pretty hard because I am being very honest here. I don’t think I’ve said these things to anyone. In fact, I dispute them when people suggest I do things for these reasons. It’s all a big pack of lies and I’ve always known that as much as I try, I will never be perfect. I will always been striving.
But when it comes to godly things, is it okay to strive? Is it possible to strive without selfish reasons?
I’ve been so blessed with everything in my life. And I always want more. My father mentioned this in one of his sermons the other day. We know that God will provide for us daily bread. But we really want the Artisan, hand-crafted loaf that we know is better nutritionally. Why won’t God give us the stuff that’s even better?
Of course, if I had the option, I’d ask for sprouted Ezekiel bread but it still means the same thing. We think we know what’s better for us than God does. We spend too much time thinking of more things to make ourselves better on the outside, that we forget to love. What if we had “love more” on our to-do above the “exercise everyday”? I pray that thinking of ways to love the people around me more comes across my mind more than all my other selfish to-dos.
Eating healthy isn’t the only thing on my mind, I swear. It’s just been fresh in my mind because there’s a baby inside me that I want to care for without making me balloon up. It sounds so terrible, doesn’t it? That as this baby is inside me, growing and moving more everyday, this is still one of the thoughts I have daily. That I can still be the trophy wife my husband wants, after all these babies we want to have. And he reassures me all the time, even from before we were married, that he would love and want me through all the seasons of my body and outward appearances.
I stumbled across this one blog the other day, Real Small Life, and that is what had me thinking of these things. She is so humble in all that she writes and I know she is just another Christian sinner like me, but the way she writes and brings everything back to God (even her troubles), truly amazes me.
I will continue to strive and learn about the vocations God has given me. But I must remember that I am His servant and that I need to follow His Word and not my own selfish desires.
…… Mannnn… was this depressing to read or what? I’ve really been brought to repentance today but must still remember the Gospel and speak it for those who have actually read this far and feel the same shame that I do.
I have made you, you are my servant;
Israel, I will not forget you.
I have swept away your offenses like a cloud,
your sins like the morning mist.
Return to me,
for I have redeemed you.
– Isaiah 44
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
– Romans 6
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. – Ephesians 2
Isn’t it so great to know that our salvation doesn’t depend on us? And this is an amazing thing as well …
Do you know what this means?!
God’s love for us is the same as it was when He made the world. That same love he had for us, before any of us had fallen into sin and the world was perfect, is the same today. Isn’t that absolutely crazy? After sinning against him over and over again, he still loves us exactly the same as when he created us humans. He loves us the same as when he still “saw that it was good”. After we wanted His power, God is the same. After we wanted more even though He had given us all we needed, God is the same. There is no one else in this creation that has loved you as fully as He does.